People you love but I hate

I hate George Clooney. I am the only person in the world who thinks that he is an egotistical, self-serving, self-important cock?

He seems to me to be one of those actors that can only actually ever play himself, like Robin Williams, only less hairy.

Seeing yet another an interviewer practically get down on all fours and surrender herself to him the other day got me thinking about which other people everybody seems to love but I hate. So I compiled a list:

10. Raymond: If I wanted to watch bitter old people nag each other I’ll join a bowls club thank you very much. So, not everybody loves you.

9. The Entire Cast of Friends: I took perverse pleasure in watching Joey. The others are lucky they had gifted writers.

8. Angelina Jolie: She’s a weirdo people. C’mon!

7. Tiger Woods: He obsessive, earns trillions, is married to a Swedish model, and is only slightly less boring than golf itself. Why should I like him when I can be jealous of him?

6. David Beckham: Need I remind England fans of France ’98? He is slow, dumb, overhyped, overpaid and vastly overrated. He is also married to the oddest looking woman on the planet (bar Michael Jackson of course).

5. Bono: Stop your self-righteous preening you ponce! Yes I’ll bloody compost, but not because you tell me to, you dick.

4. The Pope: Either use your super-pope-powers to bring world peace or go away.

3. Ryan Seacrest: [-snooze-]

2. Jeremy Clarkson: Watching him on Top Gear is like watching your Dad trying to be cool in front of your friends. I watch it in the hope that he will crash and that the cardigan and leather jacket wearing audience find something important to do with their time other than ogle cars (like writing a blog nobody reads!).

1. J-Lo: Yes she is hot but she can’t act and she can’t sing. Not even an arse that Jeremy Clarkson could crash into can save her from being totally mediocre.